


A Fate Worse Than Dying

by crystalinestars



Series: An Ode To L'Manburg [7]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalinestars/pseuds/crystalinestars
Summary: [ Tittle from 'Jubilee Line' by Wilbur ]He's all alone- everyone has left him.And it's all his fault.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Karl Jacobs & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Niki | Nihachu & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Technoblade, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot
Series: An Ode To L'Manburg [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958734
Comments: 4
Kudos: 111





	A Fate Worse Than Dying

**Author's Note:**

> !! read the tags !!
> 
> I wrote this in one hour this morning, so sorry if pacing isnt that good and there are multiple spelling errors. Enjoy :]

The sky was pretty tonight.

Tubbo sat in the platform on top of the plaza, legs dangling on the edge. His presidential coat was unbuttoned, and his red tie was undone as well. On his left were the remaining pieces of his 'Your Tommy' compass (which was now a circular piece of metal with a broken pointer and little pieces of broken glass stuck in it). Squeeks and BeeInnit were behind him, sleeping in the presidential chairs.

He tried to get Ghostbur to fix the compass for him weeks ago, but he barely saw the ghost anymore. After _that,_ the ghost rarely came to L'Manburg. And when he did, he seemed occupied with Phil and the younger didn't want to bother them. He was already on thin ice with Phil.

The president stared at the chinese lanterns floating around L'Manburg, each illuminating the sky with red, blue and white. A few stars could be seen in the sky, and the moon shined bright, no clouds were blocking anything. It was a peaceful and calming night.

Tonight the country was rather... Empty. Quiet. Hushed.

Tubbo looked down, gripping the fabric of the red tie. This was one of the only things he had from Tommy. He remembered back when they joined the SMP, Tommy gave him a red piece of clothing after Tubbo almost died in the nether.

He remembered Tommy's panicked face, and how terrified he was. They made each other promises to stay together, and Tommy gave him the red cloth while Tubbo gave the other boy a green cloth. Tommy would wear the green cloth around his neck, while Tubbo would wear it around his wrist.

The brunet let a bitter laugh. How times have changed.

He still wore the red cloth, now as a tie. He kept it clean, and made sure that it didn't rip. It was one of his most prized possessions, along with Mellohi and the compass. He didn't know what he'd do if it were destroyed like the compass.

Tubbo pinched the bridge of his nose. He was thinking too much again. He placed the cloth beside the broken compass, before looking at the town underneath him.

Ranboo and Fundy did such a great job decorating. The snow and the colorful wool highlighted the town pretty well. The stands have been cleaned, and decorated with multiple things, like flowers and bottles of honey from the giant beehive nearby.

Fundy...

The boy pinched his scarred arm, making him flinch. He knew what his brain was doing, and he needed to stop it. It hurt to acknowledge it. Last time he did, he cried so much.

A little bit too much.

But when his vision danced around the houses in L'Manburg- from Niki's to Ranboo's to Karl's- he felt his chest tighten and his throat close and his eyes water. He raised his dangling legs and hugged them, his body going into a fetal position as tears slipped from his eyes and fell to the spruce floor.

Everyone was leaving him.

It started way back with Eret in the first war, and it happened with Tommy yesterday.

Eret left them for kingship and riches, betraying them and making then loose their first (and second in Tommy's case) lifes. He ditched them, and left them to die while he returned to his new castle. Tubbo didn't tell anybody, but he felt a tad responsible for it.

After all, who was with him the whole day before the war went down? Him. He could've noticed Eret's changed behaviour, or his fidgeting, or how he carefully chose his words to answer the things the boy asked him about Dream and his group. It made sense now, days and weeks and months later.

Then it was Wilbur. He practically left him to be president of a crater he and Techno created. He left them behind, but Tubbo felt like he could've done something. Like he could've told Wilbur something on the podium. But it was too late.

Now Techno. He wasn't close to Techno in any way, after all the piglin hybrid had killed him, but still. It was nice to know someone had your back. But that changed. Now he was sure Techno despised him. He understood- he formed a government in his face, he tried to execute him a few weeks ago, he stole his things, the list went on.

Then Quackity and Karl. Tubbo thought they would stick with him- after all, they were his own cabinet. But when they left and started Mexican L'Manburg, or El Rapids now, they wouldn't be around much. They are only here for really important things, which leaves him alone most of the time.

When Niki and Fundy came and told him they were leaving, he thought it was a joke. They wouldn't leave him, they were like family. But when they repeatedly told him they found a place and they were searching for a name, Tubbo understood. He didn't blame them one bit- after all, L'Manburg stopped being the safe place it started out to be. He didn't blame them for getting tired of everything and leaving. He hadn't seen them in a while... He hoped they were doing well.

Phil... Tubbo bit his lip. When the older arrived the brunet felt like he could breath a little more. He though Phil would help him manage everything, and be on his side. But it wasn't. He went with Techno, and was never really with L'Manburg. Tubbo had a suspicion Phil hated him, and it went true when he did the whole Techno and house arrest thing. When he found out Phil had escaped, he didn't even try to search for him. He knew where he was, but he couldn't manage to go there and take him back. He doesn't blame him for anything, it was hid own fault.

Tommy...

Tubbo sniffed and looked up, turning to the broken compass and staring at it. The broken pointer would stay still most of the time, but every few moments it would spin relentlessly. It was reassuring- to know that at least it still worked a little.

He wondered if Tommy still had his 'Your Tubbo' compass with him.

The brunet scoffed, feeling tears well up in his eyes once more. Why would he? His actions made it very clear that the blonde hated him. He doesn't blame him, after all. He yelled at him, he exiled him, he made him be alone, he almost offed himself because of him, he ditched his best friend because of some stupid nation that was falling apart.

And finally Ranboo.

Tubbo wasn't that dumb. He knew the reason Ranboo had dissapeared a few times wad because he was with Techno and Tommy. He was with them, and as time went on he slowly stopped being around. Tubbo knew it would be a matter of time before he stopped being around completely.

Tubbo wanted to be mad at everyone. He wanted to be maf at Eret, Wilbur, Techno, Phil, Niki, Quackity, Fundy, Karl, Ranboo and Tommy for leaving him. For ditching him in this fucking crater to rot and die.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't be mad at them. After all, everything went to shit because of him. He wasn't a good president, he wasn't reliable, he wasn't a good friend. He was a bad friend, a yes man, a tyrant, a monster...

A wail escaped his mouth, before biting his tongue. He shaked as quiet sobs fell from his body, him going into fetal position once more. Everything hurt so much.

He never wanted anything of this to happen. He didn't want POG2020 to loose, he didn't want Wilbur to go crazy, he didn't want L'Manburg to blow up, he didn't want to be president, he didn't want to push away anyone, he didn't want to exile Tommy, he didn't want any of this.

He only wanted his family and best friend.

Tubbo kept shacking, until a furry head his right cheek, and a small weight stood on his head.

The boy looked up to see Squeeks staring at him, his fox ears down and his tail laying still around him. He raised his right hand and saw BeeInnit fly from hid head to his hand peacefully, staring at him. His two pets, his last friends, stared at him, silent, providing some sort of comfort.

Tubbo wished they wouldn't leave him as well, like everyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Kudos and Comments are always appreciated! <3


End file.
